How To Lose $1,000.00 And Puke In Under 2 Hours...By Jim Darby

I would like to thank Jimmy Darby for his generous donation to my personal charity last night.

I'll give you the short story. After bowling we went back as always to Tommy B's house for Beer Baseball and good times. We play one warm up game. Darby and Kiekel are victorious over Gems, Jewels, and Tommy. Darby asks me how much money I have in my wallet and I take it all out and throw it out on the table. $250 in Christmas Money lay upon the table. Darby wants big action and calls my $250 with $250 of his own. The entire game was close but finally in overtime, the good guys (and gal) won. Even though Darby was constantly stepping over the line and cheating. Darby, always a soar loser, complains about my calling him out on the fact that he was going way over the line. His own partner, the respected and honorable Brenden Kiekel even agreed to these faults. There is one rule in Beer Baseball...

Rule #1 At no time can a batter reach over the line when batting.

So Darby (with a woman like wingspan) gets drunk and wants Double or Nothing. We are talking $500. After another barn burner, my team was once again victorious. And everyone was pretty much loaded. This is the point where Darby started to turn Violent. He was pushing and cursing and yelling. I believe this is when Julie got scared and went back in the house.

Darby, who wanted my blood more then my money, once more wanted Double or Nothing. $1,000.00 was the bet he wanted. I begged him to stop more then 20 times and as he began to become more belligerent. Finally, I had no choice but to accept the bet. Darby starts with 6 runs in the first inning. I follow that with 7 of my own. Then Darby says he has to piss and stumbles out the door. I follow quietly and study his habits. He does take a leak, followed by violent vomiting. Finally he comes back in and even though I keep sinking shots, I don't make him drink. He does a poor job mounting a comeback and looses by 4 runs. I quietly walk back in the house with his check as my Trophy.

I wanted you to all see this check, this symbol of my superiority. No I am not going to cash it. Yes, I know that if it was the other way around and it was my check, he would have cashed that first thing this morning. But that's not my style. I am going to frame it and put it on my office wall. So that all can see a know that Darby, when it comes to beer pong or beer baseball, has always rode the coat-tails of greater men to Victory. I carried him for too long and that time is over. I wish him luck in the future. BUT...if we ever cross paths on a Beer Pong Table again I will not be so merciful.